The Midlife Feast
The Midlife Feast
#147 - How to Stop the Cycle of “Starting Over” Every Monday
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Do you find yourself vowing to “start fresh” every Monday, only to feel like you’ve fallen off the wagon by the time the weekend (or lunch) rolls around? The Monday reset cycle keeps so many of us trapped in an exhausting loop of restriction, indulgence, and shame—making food feel like a constant battle.
But what if Monday was just another day? In this episode, we explore why this cycle gets stuck on repeat and how to break free. Diet culture has convinced us that we need rules and resets, but the real path to food freedom comes from food neutrality, flexibility, and satisfaction—not perfection.
I’ll share practical ways to rebuild trust with your body, let go of all-or-nothing thinking, and stop feeling like you have to “make up” for anything you ate. If you’re ready to step off the dieting rollercoaster and into a more peaceful relationship with food, join me!
Links Mentioned:
- EP 70: From Dieting Rock Bottom to Intuitive Eating: 3 Common Mistakes
- EP 76: Food Is Not Medicine & Other Ways to Lower the Bar
- EP 77: How to Press the Easy Button on Midlife & Menopause Nutrition
Use the code NUTRITIONMONTH to save 50% off your first month until March 31/2025: https://www.menopausenutritionist.ca/themidlifefeastcommunity
Click here to hang out with me on YouTube!
Looking for more about midlife, menopause nutrition, and intuitive eating? Click here to grab one of my free guides and learn what I've got "on the menu" including my 1:1 and group programs. https://www.menopausenutritionist.ca/links
Hi and welcome to the Midlife Feast, the podcast for women who are hungry for more in this season of life. I'm your host, dr Jenn Salib-Huber. I'm an intuitive eating dietitian and naturopathic doctor and I help women manage menopause without dieting and food rules. Come to my table, listen and learn from me trusted guest experts in women's health and interviews with women just like you. Each episode brings to the table juicy conversations designed to help you feast on midlife. And if you're looking for more information about menopause, nutrition and intuitive eating, check out the Midlife Feast Community, my monthly membership that combines my no-nonsense approach that you all love to nutrition with community, so that you can learn from me and others who can relate to the cheers and challenges of midlife.
Jenn Salib Huber:Hi everyone, happy Monday. So it's Monday and I'd love to know if you are one of the probably millions of people who are trying to start over with anything but we'll talk about food today with anything just because it's Monday. So this idea of diet starts Monday. That's a meme, right? So this idea of just because it's Monday, we are going to somehow channel and find and use this new motivation that we didn't have every other Monday and be able to do something differently or do a diet differently, follow the rules, whatever it is, is kind of an outdated idea, but it's really familiar, right? So January 1st, or starting a Monday, or you know, kind of starting anything, we think, well, I'll just wait till Monday. And so I want to talk a little bit about how do we stop that cycle of starting over every Monday. Now this matters because I know that lots of listeners are familiar with this because I hear it all the time. My email is often more full on Monday morning with people saying Jen, you just need to help me figure this out. Things fell apart on the weekend again and I want to reassure you that there's nothing wrong with you if it's harder to follow through with your intentions on the weekend. There's also nothing wrong with you if you feel motivated or believe that you'll be more motivated on Monday. But we're going to talk about why the Monday reset cycle happens. We're going to talk about some of the important shifts in your mindset, away from the diet mentality, that will help you to break that cycle, and I'm going to give you a few practical strategies that will help you to be more sustainable, whatever your habits and goals are, that will help to keep you out of that diet cycle.
Jenn Salib Huber:Now, if you're not familiar with the term diet cycle, grab my menopause nutrition made easy guide. There's a visual there, but it is essentially this cycle of starting over there. But it is essentially this cycle of starting over, usually controlling or cutting out or trying to follow a plan, feeling like it works for a little while, and a little while could be a few hours to a few days to a few weeks, maybe a few months unlikely, unusual. But it's this idea of like I'm going to start over but you get trapped in this cycle of doing the same thing and ending up in the same outcome, which is feeling like you can't sustain it. So more to it in the guide.
Jenn Salib Huber:But what I really want to talk about today is like how do we break free from that? How do we break free from the idea that there's a start and that there's a stop? Because that's kind of one of the first things that happens is that we believe that Monday is a fresh start and anything that has a start has a finish. Right, and that's kind of the problem with food is that we can't start and stop food and a way of eating or following a plan without it being a diet, we need to find ways of eating that are sustainable, that are flexible, that are forgiving, that fit our life and so that we don't actually feel like it's something that we're starting and stopping. This is just the process of eating in a way that feels good. So here's why the Monday reset cycle happens.
Jenn Salib Huber:And again, it happens to everyone at some point in some way, and even not just with food, with pretty much any habit, right, it's like oh, I'll start that on Monday, I'll do that on Monday. But diet culture has conditioned us, especially with foods, that Monday to Friday is when we're being good and then, if we're good during the week, we can earn a little bit of flexibility on the weekend. So some people might have a cheat day, or often people will describe to me I'm pretty good Monday to Friday, but I let loose a little bit on the weekend. So even just using that language to describe how you eat is setting you up for a start and a stop. But it's kind of based on this all or nothing mindset, right, which we've talked about a lot in different episodes and definitely in the midlife feast community that this idea that there's one way to eat that we should be perfect with it, that we even can be perfect with it, and then, if we aren't, or if we somehow mess up, that we failed. So it's this all or nothing mindset that keeps us from finding moderation easily, because we try to follow a set of rules, or we try to be good, or we try to convince ourselves that we can live the rest of our life without carbs or sugar or foods that we enjoy, and when we eventually kind of quote unquote fail because everyone does, when we're trying to apply that all or nothing thinking to food, then that can lead to feelings of well, I can't do it, so I might as well not even try. And I described this as this weird fallacy of we've set the bar at 100% and somehow 99% or 80% or 50% became not good enough. So that's why I talk so much about lowering the bar. So let's talk.
Jenn Salib Huber:Use an example of, you know, protein. Everyone's talking about it in menopause. So people often say, oh, I feel like I need to eat more protein, but I just can't hit this target. Well, is the target too high? And are you approaching this with this all or nothing mindset that if you don't hit 150 grams today, that you're just going to wait and start over next Monday, or can we back it up a little bit and think can I add more of something to my plate? Can I add more protein to this meal? Do I need to first of all? But if you want to, or need to, or feel like it's something that you want to try on, can you do it without the all or nothing mindset.
Jenn Salib Huber:The other reason why this cycle, this Monday reset cycle, happens is that the weekend is often a time when we are full of attunement disruptors, right. So think about your schedule. So this is assuming people are working mainly Monday to Friday. This obviously doesn't apply to people who don't have a Monday to Friday schedule. But your weekend could be a Monday or Tuesday, so the concept applies. But so let's say that you know you have a regular schedule for five days of the week, and then two of those days the weekend or whatever your days off are, or one day or whatever it is you do everything differently. You sleep later. Maybe your schedule is very different, so instead of getting up and leaving the house, you're staying home. Maybe there are more people in your environment on those days. Maybe you're not at home because you're running kids or family members or doing other things. So we have these attunement disruptors that make it not harder but just well, sometimes harder but also just different, so that you're not as aware of, maybe, your cues for eating. Maybe you're not, as maybe you don't have access to your usual tools and kitchen and whatever it is.
Jenn Salib Huber:But the other thing is that if you have been trying to be good Monday to Friday and you feel like you let loose a little bit, what often happens is that it feels very difficult to rein things back in, and so a cheat day often leads to a cheat weekend, and by the time that Sunday rolls around, you might just be feeling ugh, you might be feeling like I can't believe. It's another week, another weekend and I'm in the same place and I have to start all over again tomorrow. And that guilt and that shame drives emotional hunger, and emotional hunger is still a hunger that needs to be responded to. So some people call it emotional eating. I prefer emotional hunger because it's really talking about what's driving it, but it's just that really uncomfortable feeling that drives an interest in eating for reasons other than physical hunger, primarily.
Jenn Salib Huber:So this Monday reset cycle is happening because we have this diet culture, programming, this all or nothing mindset. We have emotional eating, emotional hunger, triggers, attunement disruptors, but that all comes down to we just don't trust ourselves. So, after years of following other people's food rules or external food rules, this experience of kind of arriving at Sunday night feeling like we've done something wrong again reinforces this belief that, well, I just can't trust myself, so I just can't have these foods in the house, I can't eat intuitively, I can't not follow a plan, and that is kind of at the foundation of what needs to change, because you need to learn to not only trust. The trust comes as a as part of the process of learning to listen and working with your body and being able to observe without judgment and feasters will know that this is a core skill that we're always working on is how do I observe the things that I do and be able to look at them as an anthropologist would, without judgment, just observing patterns, without judgment, just observing patterns, thoughts. Why do I end up in this place every Sunday and being able to work on working with your body instead of against it? So the cycle happens because all these things are present, but we can change that and I know that if you're listening to this and you're like, oh my gosh, I've been doing this Monday reset cycle every Monday for the last 30, 40, 50 years, believe me when I say that you can get out of it and I often joke that you know your mindset is so much more important than your meal plan.
Jenn Salib Huber:And what I'm going to talk about next is going to explain why. So when we're trying to get out of this Monday reset cycle, we're trying to break the diet cycle in a really specific way. So we're trying to break it at this kind of Monday point and in order to do that, we have to believe in something called food neutrality. So if you're not, you if you've never heard that term. Food neutrality means that we get rid of the good or bad food and good or bad eating mindset. That we get rid of the good or bad food and good or bad eating mindset, because when everything is allowed, when you really believe that you have a choice, so it's also unconditional permission. But when you believe that you have a choice, the foods don't feel as powerful. So if you knew that you could have pizza for breakfast on Tuesday morning, would you feel like you wanted to eat the whole thing on Friday night? Chances are you probably wouldn't. Now that might feel inaccessible if you have never heard of this concept of permission and food neutrality. And when I say that all foods are neutral, I'm not saying that all foods are nutritionally equal, but I am saying that they are morally neutral. So you're not good by eating a salad and you're not bad for having a cookie. And if you think about foods that you eat with unconditional permission, chances are they're probably from the good list, right. So we're.
Jenn Salib Huber:You know fruits and vegetables and maybe some other foods, but think about how you feel about those foods. Do you ever feel the urge to eat an entire two pound box of carrots, for example? Even if you love carrots, you probably don't, because you don't feel like you need to earn them. You eat when you want them, in amounts that you need to feel full and satisfied, and then you're done. We can actually get to that point with any food, but it starts with believing in the moral neutralness of foods and learning to think about foods not in terms of good or bad, or healthy or unhealthy, but thinking about how they impact, how you feel. Adding more plants to my plate means that I'm eating more fiber. When I eat more fiber, I feel more full and satisfied. I feel like my digestion works more smoothly, but it's not good. It just helps me to feel better in my body. Adding more protein to my plate might help me feel more full and satisfied. It might help me build muscle, but it's not good to have more protein protein because good is a moral judgment, and so working towards food neutrality goes hand in hand with learning to observe without judgment. So those are two really big mindset shifts, but they are absolutely crucial if you want to get out of this Monday reset cycle.
Jenn Salib Huber:We also need to reframe what we call messing up as normal eating. So normal eating, if you've never heard it described and I sometimes call it normal eating island, because normal eating is eating mostly when you're hungry and because you're hungry, but also holding space and accepting that there will be times when you eat for reasons other than physical hunger, and that eating more than you need to feel full and satisfied is also part of normal eating. Eating because we're sad, mad, tired, whatever is also normal eating. Craving foods that we love is normal eating. You are not failing because you crave bread. We are adaptable and our bodies are adaptable and we don't have to make up for things that we ate on the weekend. We don't have to earn foods and we just have to reframe, kind of.
Jenn Salib Huber:Again this idea of messing up is just normal eating, because food cannot be perfect. We have to make decisions about food every day. How can we expect perfection, which is kind of the next mindset shift, which is moving away from perfection and focusing on satisfaction. So satisfaction really is the secret sauce, because it allows you to lean into the other reasons why we eat. And so, instead of trying to eat clean all week and feeling like you know I'm being so good but you end the week feeling deprived, how can we make meals more satisfying so that the cravings don't build up? That's why one of the things that I love teaching people to do is lead with satisfaction and add in the gentle nutrition. So this is what do I want.
Jenn Salib Huber:What would make this meal more enjoyable? Maybe, as the days get nicer, more enjoyable means eating outside. Maybe it means taking a walk to a park with a coworker and eating on a bench. Maybe it is packing a fun adult lunchable. That's one of my favorite ways to build in satisfaction so I can have all of the tastes and flavors that I want. It's also a great tool for people with ADHD.
Jenn Salib Huber:Maybe it's eating on your favorite plate. We've all seen the memes about how, you know, drinking out of your favorite coffee cup changes the experience or the taste of the coffee. The same is true with plates. I have favorite plates. I have favorite bowls. When I make certain types of soup, I want it out of a particular bowl. So, thinking about how can I add in satisfaction, not just with the food, but also with how I'm eating and where I'm eating. So some of my favorite satisfaction questions are do I want crunch? Do I want soft? Do I want something hot? Do I want something cold? Do I want everything in one bowl? Or do I want a meal of appetizers?
Jenn Salib Huber:Really thinking about how can I make this meal more satisfying instead of how do I make this perfect, because there is nothing less satisfying than trying to make something perfect and getting away from the restriction or the subtraction mindset and shifting to addition. What can I add in? So, instead of starting every Monday by swearing off sugar and carbs and fun foods and snacks and whatever, think about what can I add to my plate that will make it more filling and satisfying or nourishing, want to add it in without sacrificing adequacy, that base foundation of. Is this enough to meet my needs? And without sacrificing satisfaction. So using words like I want to add more plants to my plate, or I want to add more balance, without making it about I'm going to add X amount of grams or I'm not going to have. So staying out of that all or nothing.
Jenn Salib Huber:Thinking so, I just want to end with a few practical kind of strategies. If you're thinking okay, it's Monday. If you're listening to this, on the day it comes out, it's Monday. And I want to try something different this week so that I can stay out of this cycle of ending the week feeling like I've done something wrong and feeling like I need to start over on Monday. Remember this food neutral approach that we talked about Instead of keeping your favorite foods off limits this week, make them appealing and make them accessible. So, if you love chocolate, allow chocolate to be part of your life. Allow yourself to have access to it, not just on the weekends.
Jenn Salib Huber:Think about balance, not perfection, and make good enough where the bar is. So you know you don't want to be focused on trying to do everything perfectly Monday to Friday. You want to have a balance of mostly good enough days. That's kind of how I look at it. And because nutrition and eating you know nutrition is the long game we're trying to make deposits and investments in our long-term health. How we eat day to day-day can affect how we feel day-to-day, but, especially if we're thinking about our in menopause and our you know, our bones and our heart and our brain, we really want to have this long game approach and I think that takes the pressure off of it needing to be perfect.
Jenn Salib Huber:Practice checking in with your hunger and fullness, not your rules. So instead of checking an app and figuring out you know, have I, do I have enough points or calories or macro percentages left for whatever check in with, am I hungry, am I full, am I satisfied? Learn to build that body trust relationship and it starts by checking in with yourself, not an external tool. Plan meals with flexibility, and so meal planning can be a great tool that can help you focus on intuitive eating and gentle nutrition. But if you're coming from diet culture where you're used to really rigid meal plans with, you know eat this every meal, or you know following a set of rules. Try and think about guidelines so that allow for satisfaction but also ease. So I like to teach this three to one meal planning approach, which is we pick three meals that cover two meal times that we can prep and plan in less than an hour. So this allows me to maybe put a chicken recipe in the crock pot that we can eat that day and maybe include in another couple of meals. Maybe it's making a soup, maybe it's making some kind of salad that can live in the fridge for many days, maybe it's making some muffins so I have some satisfying snacks when I want them.
Jenn Salib Huber:But thinking about if you're going to meal plan, shifting from that rigid, rule-based do this, don't do that approach to something that's more flexible and that is also focused on satisfaction. And also try and remember that it's normal to feel like I want a fresh start. So if you feel like there are other, you know that Monday rolls around and you're like, okay, but I still feel like I want a fresh start. So if you feel like there are other you know that Monday rolls around and you're like, okay, but I still feel like I want to do something find other ways where you can press maybe that reset button that aren't about food, so Monday doesn't need to be about food. What else can help you feel refreshed? Maybe you go for a walk, maybe you start a journaling practice, a gratitude journaling practice. Maybe you start with some small intentions. Maybe you're choosing a new self-care habit. Think about adding in and think about ways of scratching that itch without it being about food.
Jenn Salib Huber:So I hope that this kind of shorter little episode on something that we've all experienced this Monday reset cycle is helpful and maybe gives you some ideas to think about and some ideas of how you might be able to do things differently, because if you've been doing the same thing every Monday, it comes down to that expression that I love so much that maybe it's time to try different, that expression that I love so much that maybe it's time to try different, not harder, and you really can learn to trust yourself and you can learn to focus on satisfaction and balance and flexibility without feeling like the rails are going to fall off.
Jenn Salib Huber:So let me know if you have any questions about this episode and if you're looking for some support. You can find ways to work with me in the show notes and, as always, I'd love to hear your questions. Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode of the midlife feast For more non diet, health, hormone and general midlife support, click the link in the show notes to learn how you can work and learn from me and if you enjoyed this episode and found it helpful, please consider leaving a review or subscribing, because it helps other women just like you find us and feel supported in midlife.
